Why Couples Therapy? Why Now?

Hi friends and colleagues,

Fall is here: beautiful, busy, and maybe a little overwhelming. Since I announced I’m now opening a couple of spots for couples therapy, I’ve been getting one question over and over:

“Why couples therapy? Why now?”

And honestly? My answer is pretty simple: “Why not now?”

My Old Take on Couples Therapy

Let me be honest: I wasn’t always on board with couples therapy.

In fact, I used to joke, “Sure, couples can come see me, but don’t be surprised if I suggest breaking up.”

Back then, I really believed my directness and assertiveness made me too blunt for couples work. I thought couples therapy meant being neutral at all costs, never taking sides, refusing to name unhealthy power dynamics, and never empowering one partner to stand up for themselves.

In my mind, couples therapy either:

• Gave one partner more personal empowerment while leaving the relationship behind, or

• Silenced the hurting partner to keep the status quo going.

  
  

That didn’t sit well with me.

Enter Relational Life Therapy (RLT):

Then one day, Terry Real showed up on my Instagram feed. (Go follow him on Instagram, seriously. The posts are so helpful, timely and thoughtful. It's @realterryreal).

Here was a therapist saying exactly what I’d been craving: holding people accountable, naming unhealthy patterns, pointing out how patriarchy hurts us all.

And I thought: finally.

Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is refreshingly straightforward. It moves through three steps:

1. Spot the patterns or the dance you and your partner participate in (diagnosis + reconnection).

2. Heal old wounds from childhood that are triggering your flight/fight/fix response in your partnership today (relational trauma work).

3. Learn new tools so you can get more of what you need and want (relational skills that last).

   
   

Clear. Practical. No bullshit. It blends the Gottmans’ marriage research with a sharper edge: definitive skills you can carry into every relationship, not just your romantic ones.

Sign. Me. Up.

Imagine This

You want more physical affection. Instead of asking directly for this, you toss out a side comment when your spouse walks by:

“Well, it’d be nice if you actually kissed me when you walked in.”

Your partner hears criticism, perhaps the same critical voices from their family growing up. Gloves go on. Ding, ding. The fight begins.

Or maybe it’s quieter: an eye roll, a sigh, a slow retreat into silence. Either way, the disconnection grows. And you're left feeling lonely, which triggers your own emotional wounds from childhood of being emotionally abandoned by a caregiver or parent. Adults cannot be abandoned; they can be left, but not abandoned. That feeling of abandonment is from childhood; it's an old unhealed child part of you. And child parts shouldn't be running your adult relationships today.

Now imagine saying this instead:

“Hey, I’d love a kiss right now. I missed you today.”

That’s clear. That’s vulnerable. Sure, it stings if your partner says no. But at least you asked. The real heartbreak is never asking, for years, and letting resentment pile up.

Why Daring to Rock the Boat Matters

Here’s what I love about RLT: it tells us to stop playing it safe. When we stop talking about what we need in our partnership, the first thing we lose is passion. Conflict is a counterpart to a truly passionate marriage. This doesn't mean you need to have huge screaming fights. It does mean you have to be brave enough to stand up for yourself and your relationship with love.

Rock the boat. Say what you need. Be bold and kind. Remember loving firmness gets more than harsh criticism any day of the week.

Not to shame or attack, but because courage is the only way things change.

And nothing changes if nothing changes.

How RLT Shifted My Own Relationships

This isn’t just theory for me. It’s personal.

Before RLT, I was the anxious pursuer in conflict, always chasing, always pushing for resolution before my partner was ready. Can you guess that my partner is the avoider? He would rather not engage, and often needs time to process his feelings before he's ready to problem solve.

After training, reading, and practicing RLT tools? I’ve changed.

My husband recently told me how much better I am at pressing pause, stepping back, grounding myself, and coming back calmer. That’s not who I used to be. And honestly? It feels like freedom.

A New Way to Think About 'Us'

Relational empowerment flips the script.

It’s not about me winning or you winning. It’s about us.

And working toward “us” doesn’t mean giving up your voice. It means learning to repair faster, laugh more, and actually enjoy each other.

Think of your relationship like an ecosystem. Your partner is part of your atmosphere: the very air you breathe.

When that air is toxic, everything suffers. When it’s cared for, everyone thrives.

“Good enough” relationships don’t just comfort us. They grow us into better, wiser, more generous humans.

Let's Begin

If you’re ready to breathe easier in your relationship, I have a couple of new openings for couples therapy this month.

The holidays are coming. Why not give yourselves the gift of a healthier, happier “us”?

Take Exquisite Care of Yourselves,

Megan