Why I Don’t Do ‘Blank Slate’ Therapy

Let’s be real for a second: most people don’t want to feel like they’re talking to a brick wall, especially when they're about to come to counseling to bare their deepest fears and secrets. And yet that’s exactly what traditional "blank slate" therapy can feel like: a therapist who stays silent, expressionless, and emotionally removed while you do all the work.

That model isn’t just outdated; it’s not supported by current neuroscience (Empirical science for the spotless mind, 2005).

What Is "Blank Slate" Therapy, and Why Is It Still Around?

The "blank slate" approach comes from old-school psychoanalysis, where therapists were trained to be neutral, withholding, and personally opaque. The idea was that if clients projected their inner world onto the therapist, hidden patterns would emerge. It took some inspiration from John Locke's 17th century philosophical theory of tabula rasa (blank slate), where he made the argument that infants' minds were essentially blank and therefore able to be shaped into logical reasoning as they grow older (A blank slate: The rational child, n.d.).

Now, we know better.

Neuroscience Says: Healing Happens in Relationship

Contemporary brain science and trauma research have made it clear: connection heals.

The therapeutic relationship itself is a key agent of change (Opland & Torrico, 2024). When you feel safe, seen, and emotionally attuned to, your nervous system shifts. You learn to regulate emotions, explore vulnerability, and rewire old relational patterns, not just by talking about them, but by experiencing something different and warmer in real time.

That doesn’t happen with a blank slate. That happens with a real human being who’s engaged, attuned, and honest with you. It also happens with a therapeutic practitioner who is able to build emotional safety and yet, provide enough stress for change (Matos &Dimaggio, 2023). I often say that people don't change until the pain of not changing becomes greater than the pain of change.

Why I Don’t Practice That Way

Because you’re not here to play a guessing game or to feel alone in the room. You’re here to feel better.

I bring warmth, presence, and suitable self-disclosure into my office, not to center therapy on myself, but to demonstrate authenticity and foster a trusting relationship.

I have experienced what many of my clients are going through: dealing with profound grief, living with postpartum OCD, feeling lost in the haze of late-diagnosed ADHD, and learning to connect from a place of avoidant attachment. These personal experiences, along with extensive training, influence how I engage, with empathy, clarity, and practical tools (EMDR, Parts work, Relational Life Therapy, etc.).

In fact, I think that practitioners who haven't done their own work, and figured out their ish, probably shouldn't be practicing. The difference between blank slate and healthy use of self in the therapy office is as simple as this: As a provider, have you done the work in order to be fully present with your client, carry your own story, while maintaining separateness from their wounds, and be able to make amends when you've made a misstep? It takes a real ego death to repair ruptures in the therapeutic relationship, to admit what you don't know, to guide rather than push. I'm not promising you perfection, but I am promising you that I will go to extra lengths to continue to become the person and therapist that is able to do these things well. Because I've learned to carry my wounds, I can help you learn to bear your pain as well.

What I Do Instead: Real, Relational, and Research-Informed

I Call It Like I See It

If you’re stuck in a loop, overthinking, people-pleasing, blowing up then shutting down, I’ll gently point it out. No shaming, just insight and a way forward. Some therapists won't give you advice, even if you ask for it. I wait for permission, of course, but if you ask, I'm going to be give you my honest thoughts on how to move forward. Some therapists won't tell you when you're doing something that goes against your better interests. I will. I want you to be able to let go of therapy with me someday, because you're better, and the only way to do that is to help you change actively in the moment with honesty and fairness.

I Use Modalities That Respect the Brain

My work is grounded in neuroscience, attachment theory, and evidence-based approaches like:

• Relational Life Therapy (RLT) for couples ready to grow beyond blame

• Inferential-CBT for obsessive thinking (yes, I even have a nerdy PowerPoint!)

• Grief-informed therapy that honors complex emotional landscapes

• Behavioral tools that help support big life changes like weight loss

• EMDR for Complex Trauma and PTSD

Understanding New Methods for Learning

These methods not only support your experiences but also help your brain learn to respond in new ways. This can lead to new ideas about your feelings as you learn. They change what you might not understand into things you can clearly see, allowing for real change.

I Show Up as a Whole Person

Therapists aren’t meant to be emotionless note-takers. We’re meant to be emotionally present, clinically grounded, and deeply human. My clients know enough about me to feel like I'm a whole-ass person, which helps me better understand their dreams, innate desires, and elemental fears, because I experience all of those things, too.

Who Thrives with This Style of Therapy?

Clients who work well with me are usually tired of sugarcoating, silence, or surface-level support. My approach resonates most with:

• Grieving parents who want space to fall apart, and also rebuild

• People navigating weight loss who are untangling emotional eating, shame, and identity

• Couples who want structure, challenge, and real connection

• Overthinkers looking for clarity and peace of mind

What You Can Expect

Therapy with me is warm, honest, and active. I won’t sit in silence while you wonder what I’m thinking. I’ll be in it with you: tracking patterns, offering insight, and celebrating your progress.

This is not therapy that hides behind the couch. It’s therapy where both of us show up fully, so you can get results sooner.

Let’s Work Together

I offer online therapy for adults in Edmond, Oklahoma and throughout Vermont. If you’re looking for therapy that’s science-backed, relational, and real, I’d love to connect. You can self schedule a free 20 minute consultation call at this link!

Take Exquisite Care of Yourself,

Megan

References

1. Empirical science for the spotless mind. (2005, August 30). Observer: Association for Psychological Science. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/empirical-science-for-the-spotless-mind

2. A blank slate: The rational child.* (n.d.). The ABC of It: Why Children’s Books Matter (University of Minnesota Libraries). https://gallery.lib.umn.edu/exhibits/show/abc-of-it--why-children-s-book/visions-of-childhood/the-rational-child

3. Opland C, Torrico TJ. Psychotherapy and Therapeutic Relationship. [Updated 2024 Oct 6]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2025 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK608012/

4. Matos M, Dimaggio G. The interplay between therapeutic relationship and therapeutic technique: "It takes two to tango". J Clin Psychol. 2023 Jul;79(7):1609-1614.