If you're here because your spouse or partner just asked for a divorce, and you're blindsided, I am sorry. In my therapy practice with couples, I have encountered this exact scenario many times before. One partner's flabbers are gasted, and the other person who initiated the separation conversation is saying things like, "This shouldn't be a surprise. I've been telling you for a long time now that I've been unhappy." And guess what? I believe both of you. I believe that you,

"Oh, here we go again!" "You never listen to me." "This feels like we fight about this every single month." Have any of those sentences come out of your mouth during a fight before? I bet they have, because if you're in a partnership, you're guaranteed some level of conflict as part of the emotional contract of two messy humans navigating life together. I get this question a lot, as a couples therapist in Oklahoma: "Why do we keep having the same fight over and over again?" A